Between the calm floating and the raging seas, I find that I am not as good at treading water as I thought I'd be. From the daily chores that never seem to get finished, to the keeping up with all of the people in our lives who want pictures and stories of our darling son, to the errands, to my business, to paying the bills and doing the shopping, I find myself sitting and staring into the distance and praying that it will all miraculously get done. I just want one morning where all the chores are done, my son is clean and sleeping soundly, and I can sit down with a cup of coffee without the stress, guilt, hurry, or worry that seems to haunt every minute of the days as they pass.
I feel like we are out on the ocean waiting for a life boat or a shark attack, and there is no land in sight.
My son is perfect. He is healthy, smart, laid back, self entertaining, and the cutest human to ever live. I keep telling myself that there is no reason that life should seem this hard. I keep thinking that there must be something I am doing wrong, something I am missing, that will make this all seem less terrifying and manageable. Yet, here I am, out in the ocean of my life, waiting for whatever the next wave will bring. I am not handling it well. That is why I have been seeing a counselor, looking for some help. She has helped a lot, but not I am out on a journey to look for some other solutions.
I don't have any health insurance, and so I am looking for ways to help myself to be a better wife, a better mother, a better friend, and a better person. There are some books that my counselor recommended, along with some herbal supplements that I am researching for my various instability issues. I plan to share that information here, perhaps to help someone else, and to see if writing again can help me in someway.
Until then,
Blessings and love...
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