An answer, a direction, a specific purpose in my calling.
I am seeking something...
A response, a sign, a physical answer to a metaphysical question that I can't quite form fully in my mind, and I am continually disappointed that I don't receive it.
Why do I expect it?
What in my life has taught me that is reasonable?
I have been angry for a long time. As I work to let go of the anger, the negativity, the hate, the hurt, and the crutches I have created to deal with them, I find myself grieving for the lost time and the pain that I have brought to those I love and who love me.
I still find myself looking... In the quiet moments to myself, at a stop light, while washing my hair, while folding laundry, I find myself looking for an answer. Perhaps I missed it. Maybe it isn't coming at all? What is it that I am hoping for? What am I seeking to find? ... Could the constant seeking be the answer itself?
I have the answers to most of my questions. I may not like them all, yet I know the answers... So, perhaps I am seeking the question. Maybe I am looking for the question to the answers...
Oh well, I am off to make a hat to sell. The important thing is that I don't let the seeking stall my life. Progress is the constant willingness to do what it takes to reach your goal. You may stumble, but that doesn't me you turn around and run the other direction...
I finally quit biting my nails- 6 years after I started trying to quit... Imagine what we could all do if we tried...
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